tedx

My TEDx Talk

I’m sitting at a TEDx event unsuccessfully trying to pay attention to what the speaker before me is saying. I’m a couple minutes away from giving a very personal talk and my irrational fears are in the forefront of my thinking.

Ironically the talk is titled “Follow Your Fears” and the main message is that fear serves as an internal compass towards growth and opportunity. Even though I fully believe in this message it’s really not comforting me right now. My knees feel weak, I’m developing a strange pain in my stomach and my mind is acting like a worst-case scenario generator.

It’s no wonder that I’m nervous; I didn’t quite follow the typical TEDx formula. For example I was advised to validate that I’m an expert in my field and instead I wrote lines like, “The most exciting part about what I do is that I really have no idea what I’m doing.” 

I try to calm my nerves by thinking about the times I overcame fear. Like when I used to go off 100 foot gap jumps on my snowboard. I recall feeling a similar tension right before committing and then an unshakable certainty that ‘I got this’ right after dropping in. I really hope it will be the same in this case but my doubts are fighting harder than usual.  

I know that this anxiety can slip out of control rather easily so I figure that reciting parts of the talk in my head will help. This plan fails when I can’t recall the closing sentence, which happens to be my favorite part. The words have mysteriously vanished from my memory but what I do remember is that I have a cheat sheet in my pocket. With a fast, swift movement that startles the program organizer who is sitting right next to me, I grab the cheat sheet and read the closing line. She looks over at me concerned and whispers, “Are you okay?” “Yes, I’m fine” I tell her with a forced smile as she gives me some coconut water claiming that it cures anxiety. 

The speaker is now delivering his closing line, which I vividly remember – “See the impact that you have on your own world.” The sentence reminded me of something very important I once heard – “You are not the victim of your thoughts.” Perfect timing for this memory to have popped into my head. 

I’m staring at the lights, cameras and 700 quiet people sitting in the audience as the announcer calls me up to the stage. I drop in and feel an immediate shift in my thinking. The pain in my stomach turns into a tingle, I feel focused and in control. This doesn’t surprises me; I’m always fine while I do the things that I think I won’t be fine doing. I think it’s because my anxiety is fueled by what could happen and never from what is happening. Either that or I just drank some pretty magical coconut water. 

July 2015

There's been a couple of exciting developments in Live Unbound world this month included a possible book deal with NationBuilder. After my TEDx talk I was approached by them to write my story and the first thing that popped into my head was – really?? But it’s not all that exciting. I mean maybe I got a good beginning but that’s about it. The second thought was – okay why don’t I make it more exciting by going out and living the story I’d want to write. Definitely an inspiring thought that is now steering me in the right direction.

The old me would have stuck with that first thought. I would have held on as tight as I could so I would feel okay with saying no to a potential opportunity. Nowadays I’m fully aware that I create the path where my mind wanders. I try to stay conscious of where it goes because once it finds the perfect limiting thought then I'll remember it forever. I re-visit it every time I need an excuse not to do something I know I must do. I have a lot of these types of thoughts that I can’t seem to let go of. You’d think it would be easy to move past them but they become a part of you. So needless to say I’m not trying to create new ones.

I think Cormac McCarthy said it best – “You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.”

Other than that I’ve been taking on lots of client work (how we fund LU vids) and adventuring on weekends (documented on instagram: @whereisyali)

Follow your fears & respect the dash!

- Yali

MAY 2015

May has been one of the most incredible months of my life. I gave a TEDx talk then set off on an intense road trip to shoot Go Seek. There were many ups and downs but it's not an adventure until things start going wrong, you ditch the plan and go with the flow of wherever life wants to take you. 

Here is an excerpt from the video which will be out in a couple weeks » 

Chase the version of me I want to be, stay on track by following the fear that holds me back.

Climbing up a setback, deep inside of what I lack, I’m stalling, running as fast as I can but feel like I’m crawling.

I tell myself take a break, relax, let what you lack be an empty crack, you don’t have to be whole to be intact.

But I’m not very good at lying to myself, I know I need to catch that uncatchable self.

I know that trying to be more than I am is who I am, I know that I’m in love with the never ending search.

It’s my drive, my passion, my thirst.

And it’s not because I’m never satisfied, it’s because I’m always satisfied.

Untied, fully amplified, learning how to glide in this bumpy ride.

This is my life commute.

It’s not the pursuit of happiness it’s the happiness of pursuit.

ALWAYS take the scenic route

On May 1st we'll be taking a road trip to shoot "Go Seek" which is all about seeking experiences that challenge us, inspire us and remind us why life is so incredible. Email me if you have ideas on epic locations which are off the beaten path!

Also on April 19th I'll be speaking at TEDxUIUC about the Live Unbound journey. Never spoke in front of a large crowd before but it's a pretty good first to have. 

Last but not least if you're an adventure photographer and want to connect with fellow creators and share your images then join our LU photographers group. 

-Yali

Photo by Dylan Furst